While reading Anais Nin's book 'In favor of the sensitive man and other essays' i came across a question a reporter asked her.
Question - 'When you were 29, you wrote that there were two woman in you: "One woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning, and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, and despair, and present to the world only a smile, and eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest." '
"One continually leaps over the negative. I haven't yet reached a point where i am courageous every day. And the struggle keeps my diary alive. Now I have a sense of harmony, of integration. I feel free. The two woman are there in me, but they don't tear at each other. They live in peace".
This really spoke to me, i have felt lately a struggle inside of me, to be complacent in how i live my life, and not be courageous and adventurous. Not doubting myself and my Art. I feel like diving head first and not looking back, but its a scary place to be, out on that limb, people looking, pointing, judging or even not caring & believing . Not caring or believing i think is worst of all. One woman in me is bold, sure of herself, and ready. The other one is timid and doubting of her abilities. They fight and struggle almost on a daily basis. fighting to take control. I know who i want to win...will i let her?